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Mourning in Medicine.

I remember meeting her in 8th grade at lunch time. She was sitting alone on benches doing her math homework (a crazy hard worker from the beginning of time). The principal saw her and brought a few girlfriends and I over to become friends, because he knew she just moved from out of town.

I don't really remember much about how things developed after that. I have terrible memory in this way, I think because for a long time I wasn't intentional with my life - I was just living it. Passing through time. There are moments here and there that stick out, but mostly it was just the day to day. You don't think it matters much, until that's all you have. But maybe that's what matters the most anyway - living through life together. We need people in our lives who have known us since the beginning, and just go through daily life with us. 

In high school, I remember she would get me a tea every single morning before zero period (even if she wanted something else and went to 2 stores to get both). Or how she started driving me to school every morning and never asked for gas money. I remember track practice every day, running bleachers and sprints and how everyone deemed us "2 peas in a pod." I still can't believe we'd be in school 7am - 6pm and go home to do all of our homework. How did we even do that? #tobeyoungagain. In college, I was living on campus and didn't have a car. She drove me from home back to campus even when we were in a fight. It seems silly now, but she had a heart of gold, even if she was still figuring it out. Like the rest of us.

Our friendship wasn't always rainbows and butterflies, but she taught me a lot about being aware of others and empathy, even if it wasn't always in the best ways. A lot of that plays a role in who I am as a person today, and for that I am grateful. I've read that a person's ability to practice empathy is found in the right supramarginal gyrus - I sometimes wonder what % of my brain is my right supramarginal gyrus, because I practice it a lot. I think it's important to understand the difference between sympathy and empathy, since the latter is so essential in all healthy relationships in life. 

There's no secret formula to mourning, but I think it helps you become a person first, and help your patients second. It's a process, a process of becoming. Becoming who you are meant to be to serve a lot of purpose in a lot of ways. That's why we have to live with intention every single day of our lives, even in the nitty gritty process of things, when we haven't gotten to the shiny end result yet.

A good result even from a bad beginning. That’s God for you. Creating beautiful things in us.

Miss you.

Residency Interviews

I am not a morning person.

I am not a morning person.