The Storm in the Storm.
He came in dead.
Every bone in his body broken.
Every organ injured or at risk of ischemia.
Blood everywhere, setting and splinting limbs, central lines, FAST exam, massive transfusion protocol - the chaos of the trauma room was more than I could bear at 3am. I had been up for almost 24hours at this point, with only one coffee about 20 hours prior, and wondering if my body would fail me.
Trauma, it hits your body like an unnatural sudden stop. A lover's caress, a hug goodbye, a favorite cologne - all shattered with an unearthly blast to homeostasis. &Nothing in this world prepares you for that.
I recently read that our thoughts are not our identity. Isn't that an interesting concept - that you can choose to recognize feelings and thoughts, but they can not always be trusted? I do believe, however, people can be consumed and become their thoughts. Constantly be cognizant of what I'm feeding myself - and how it affects me, how it re-wires me.
Because God's more interested in the process. He doesn't want to deliver you from your hard situations, he wants to deliver you through. Because who you are on the other side - that's who he's going to use fearlessly in his kingdom.
Starting this journey, they don't tell you the aches that you develop in your body. The deep ache down inside of you that yearns to have a normal life but at the same time for greatness, to be extraordinary. The toll it takes on your body as you stay up 30 hours straight, still requiring mental acuity and physical dexterity. The ache in your back and your leg because you're still trying to figure out how to perform surgery in a way where you're not contorting to meet everyone's expectations. I'm learning that there are so many little pieces to becoming a surgeon - from the ability to make small maneuvers in small spaces to the thought process that requires so many layers of understanding.
At the end of all of this, I just want his people to find him. I don't know his story, but it doesn't matter. No one should go through this alone.
Holding my loved ones closer -